The Mighty King KOM Race Team is the most exciting, incontinent and ridiculously talented team in the history of Australian cycling. We are also humble and incredibly modest and do not seek attention unless it is completely warranted by our amazing race performances....which it always is.
The team’s vision was borne from rising grassroots dissatisfaction with the status quo and the need for the voices of “real” cyclists to be heard. An incredible uprising of bile from cycling fans everywhere has driven the desire for a team with movie star good looks, flamboyant riding style and no apologies for their “Make Cyclists Great Again” philosophy. Being on the KOM roster is the pinnacle of sporting achievement. Our elite riders are the product of single-person training camps, botox, and the completely legitimate use of Stanstanistanistan-sourced Therapeutic Use Exemptions. The KOMs have taken a leaf out of the playbook of Australian cricket and adopted an “elite honesty” philosophy, which means we tell all the other teams what we really think of them.
The KOMs are the equivalent to the Avengers and Justice League combined in lycra super-garments, supplied by Presto International Garments and Sofas Inc. As expected. the KOMs have swept all before them in 2017 and 2018. This includes a successful full scale frontal assault from behind on the recent Western Australian classics, culminating in outstanding moral victories in the 2018 Peel Classic and The Beverley. The Tour of Margs will see the KOMs complete leg two of their 3-peat of victories over 2017-2019. The team’s reclusive oligarch owner, Oleg Chainkomov, continues to set the benchmark in nearly every facet of the team’s performance, charity works and athletic prowess.
Following a protracted legal battle, 2018 has also seen the admission of KOM Handmaids into the racing ranks which reflects our unique diversity policy which has always encouraged less diversity in a non-diverse manner using a diverse range of diversity factors. Our Twitter feed, #itsallaboutus, has a huge following as we discuss ourselves ad nauseum – which is latin for “in a modest and respectful manner”.
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